Blog One

            My public self and private self differ from one another the same way the words put before them contrast. Ironically, they are also the same in some aspects. Both compliment each other as well as insult each other, inevitably clashing and handing over the situation to me. This happens frequently whether it’s around family or around peers. In most cases it leaves me in a situation where I feel like I am at war with myself.

            In regards to both complimenting each other, it’s similar to the Latin quote “quid pro quo”. If I conceal my private self towards any person, I allow them to see my public self and vice versa. There’s a form of control with both selves but only to a certain extent in some occasions. Depending on the situation, the person who is presently in a higher jurisdiction may give off the feeling that I am obligated to disclose myself which unfortunately leads to my surrender. Aside from that, you can control your public self with anyone you please and your private self is still in your power with those who are close.

             When I am with my private self, I feel as though there is no such thing as getting hurt from everything that surrounds me and because I feel that the world may be out to get me, I tend to side with my private self to prevent such things. During the times I am with my private self, I tend to become preoccupied with my thoughts and swept away into my journal. I stray away from those around me thus allowing them to become frustrated with me and inquiring about my emotions. Despite there being pros to my private self, there are always cons. I am much more vulnerable to the negative things due to bottling myself up.  The longer I stay within my private self; the negative effects begin to linger and fester within the remains of my conscience.  It becomes an absolute problem for me and because of that I try to be more of my public self.

            Being more of my public self serves as great difficulty for me because I am not used to it. I’ve yet to grow comfortable with it since I tend to stay quiet most of the time. When I am my public self, I try to be more outgoing and I try to speak up more. Being my public self reminds me how nice life can be when you open up and interact with everyone including family and friends as well as peers from school. Tuning into my public self keeps me closer to my family and keeps a bunch of smiles stitched onto their faces. When I interact, it gives me a positive outlook on everything. I get to speak to friends much more and show them that feeling of wanting to be their friend is mutual. Also when being my public self, family members do not think of me as an anti-social teenager. I get the chance to show my personality and make others around me think that I am a well-kept and amicable individual. But there are the negative effects to being my public self. I become drawn into it and at times I sugar coat the important things in life, making myself distort reality. I begin think there’s no need for me to work for anything in life when really everything must have hard work put into it. Despite that, during the times I am my public self it is all grace and glory.

            Both spew out vile insults when it comes to differing as well as trying to persuade me on which should be used most.  As much as I enjoy being the both of them, they must both be of use equally to balance out the elements within one another.